About 6 months ago I almost lost a friend to drug overdose. It was the worst experience of my life. I never expected I’d have to pull her out of the bathtub and rush her to the ER. I don’t think I’ve gotten over it. The images and nightmares of a recurrence keep playing in my head. I’m restless, and I haven’t been the same ever since. I try to be happy and in a weird way I am, but there’s also this new attitude I have. I often find myself happier when I’m alone. My friend hasn’t been the same, although she’s healthy now and everything seems okay, she’s not the same person anymore. A part of her is missing and I feel like it’s been gone ever since the incident. I don’t know if she will ever be the same, I don’t know if I will. I can pretend and try to hide that it doesn’t affect me anymore but it has and it’s too late to change anything.
We have to stop pretending…because you know I don’t feel the same way about you anymore
The thing that sucks the most of being born in Ecuador and then moving to Turkey for 4 years only to move again to the US is losing touch of all the friends I had made. As a child I had grown accustomed to moving and the worst part was saying goodbye to family and friends. Yes I know I’m not the only one in the world who has had to deal with this, but it’s been more difficult to deal with than someone who has only moved around to different states in the US. The biggest shock for me was going from my home country to Turkey, the Middle East, somewhere that we had no connection to. But my parents and I fell in love with Turkey, it’s an amazing country, we learned Turkish and I had Turkish friends, which made our move 4 years later horrible. And although I promised to keep in contact when we moved to the US with my Turkish friends and I did keep my promise for the first couple of years, but I feel like ever since I’ve lost contact slowly. It also sucks that I haven’t been able to travel back to Turkey and visit. At least with my childhood friends in Ecuador, I get to see them every other year that I go to Ecuador. I’ve seen only one of my close friends from Turkey, about 3 years ago when she started going to Hopkins. I had also made plans with another close friend from Turkey when I went to New York, we were going to meet in the city but my of course with my luck my Blackberry dies and I cannot get in contact with him. Ever since we haven’t spoken, and I feel awful because he may think that I stood him up but I didn’t. There’s probably more that I could have done back then but I feel like it’s too late now. It’s become sort of a bad habit for me, that when I move I lose contact with friends and it is mostly my fault I will admit, I’m the worst person to follow through with texts. But it also frustrates me when people say they want to see you, they miss you and when you text them…no answer. So I’ve become quite closed and I don’t text first because I hate rejection, but this also bothers me because I lose contact of friends.